| Finding |
[May. 9th, 2010|07:18 pm] |
sociologically, it is impossible to be alive without socialization. humans learn how to be human from interaction, imitation and reflection. cultures are shaped and moulded, and people form communities, groups, cliques because they share the same norms, beliefs, and values. they understand the same symbols, use the same language, and react to situations in similar ways. so in that light, it is instinct for humans to search for company, to desire to belong. We all want to be exclusive, we all want to belong to a group. Is it then possible to survive in an environment without have any friends or anyone sense of belonging? Would a person continue to stay in a community if he or she feels alienated and alone?
Max Weber said that religion is a central part of a people's culture, and that it helps create truth for them. Their religious views influence their government, their economic world, their law, their views of people outside the community, their goals in life, their successes and their failures. Peter Berger said that religion is a way a community make sense out of the reality they live in -- where a tragedy occurs, religion helps us understand that tragedy; where chaos seems to occur, where nothing seems to make sense to us, religion helps us find order in the events; when people act in an evil way, religion helps us understand; when people do good things, religion helps us explain. Joel M Charon, in perceiving these views, then came up with the functions of Religion:
1. They help hold community together
2. They help retain and defend a people's identity
3. They control the individual so that he individual acts morally and for the community
4. In a democracy, they check the political leaders and encourage participation by the masses
5. They are an important part of culture, giving answers to importance in the universe
6. They protect those who rule, and the society as it is
7. They also question, criticize and challenge the society as it is, making change possible.
8. They help create and affirm one's identity and social belonging.
Holding that train of thought, is it then safe to say that religion is merely a tool, an institution created to serve the needs of a nation? Is it then saying that being individualistic and being alone in a particular religious group makes one not part of the religion? If one does not belong, it fails the criteria of individuals having an anchor in religion. It fails the criteria of having identity and belonging.
For a good 3 years, i believed in this. I believed that Religion is merely a social institution. I thought to myself, God doesnt exist. He didnt speak to me when I pleaded him. And if He was real, He definitely gave up on me. He made me feel that someone gave up on me; a reflection of his resignation.
Yet, 3 years later, without any solid reason, I found myself having this overwhelming urge to go back to church. In my mind, there were a few reasons why. And I was dead scared that me wanting to come back to chruch was not because of God. because then it wouldnt last, and I would slip back to my old routine. i didnt want that. Today, God told me why. (and i know now that God speaks to me because neither I nor Satan would never be able to tell myself all that He has said.)
I have no solid friends in church. No one from church hangs out with me, no one asks me for lunch. I go to church alone every week, and i leave mostly by myself. I have Shawn, who feels that I should not stick to him all the time, i have Yixian who has finally given up on me, and others who simply cant give a rat's ass to deliver their empty words. i absolutely dont blame shawn or yixian, they have given me so much more than i ever deserve. but in grace aog, i always feel like a stand alone. and despite feeling this way, i find myself wanting to go to church week after week. it does not matter that i havent slept all satuarday, and i havent once dozed off. so on my way to church today, i finally could confirm the reason why i go to church. it is not over certain people, or nostalgia, or the musical. it is because of God. it is because i want to seek Him, and find out for myself his existance.
So, though sociologically, I should have given up on church and religion by now, i havent. To me, that only proves one thing. that Soci is not all right in their views about religion. as logical as they might be, it is only theory. my life, my search and my journey regarding religion is like doing qualitative social research, like doing ethnography. it says things that contrast with theory (which is okay). and now i choose to believe in what i am going through. so for now, i believe in jesus. |
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